Life at the dinner table is a little different for me with my children. When they ask the question, "Mom, who was your dad?". I always pause and in the air of uncertainty my husband changes the subject. I've come to tell my children the truth, that I didn't know my father. Thankfully, my children have no concept of what that abandoned feeling is like, but I never imagined having to explain it to my children.
My husband's family is very close and he grew up with his mom,dad and siblings. His grandmother has a family history and pictures all the way back to 1800s if not longer. We live very close to them and my husband has always had strong family roots. But when it comes to my story to give my children, it's very different. My family does not have a long family tree or great family stories, it just stops at my great grandfather. There is nothing beyond that point that I really know of my mother's side and I know little of my father's side. What I do know is that my family has Native American ancestry and I certainly carry those looks and roots proudly. It is the one thing I can give to my children.
As a parent, we never realize how much of our story or family history impacts our children-whether it's good, bad or void. My mother was a 16 year old teenager and my father was 17. My father walked away and I was raised with my mom and my grandparents. When I see the shows of "16 & Pregnant" that seem to bring fame to these young teens. I'm never thinking about the immature actions of the two individuals. I'm thinking about the child. The majority of those children grow up in a single parent household, not knowing their father. Which made me wonder, why you never hear the perspective of the actual child or adult they turn into or the parent they become?
How much of our parent's actions do we carry with our children? Well for me, my husband and I have been married for 11 years. Although, we married young I wasn't pregnant and we have stuck through all the growing pains that comes with any marriage. Looking at my children, I enjoy the fact that they have a father that is always there for them and I enjoy being a mother that will always be there as well. When I was 17, after a long gruelling journey of trying to discover the location of my father, I finally spoke to him. In that one approximately 30 minute conversation, I learned that he never had an interest in being a father to me and never reached out because he never wanted a child like that.
Well, that was that and many years later I had children of my own and the one lesson he taught me was-what not to do. Everyday I want my children to know how important they are and how much I love them. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but I often wonder about the adults who learned walking away from their parent(s) and do. I never knew what I was missing with a father until I watched my children with my husband, their father.
Fathers are important to children's self esteem and so much more, but we've become a nation of fatherless children. I think in so many ways we've become a nation of fatherless hurt adults and feel we have nothing to offer any children, other than walking away. It's a very sad picture, but when I look at the parents that don't walk away that's an even more amazing story. They stood there through the hard times, tears and trying times to be a parent to this child.
The statistics are not in the favor of the fatherless. The Fatherless Generation, is a blog that focuses on just that and gives the dizzying statistics that are not in favor of the fatherless. 63% of youth suicides come from fatherless homes. 90% of runaways come from fatherless homes. 71% of high school drop outs are from fatherless homes. The list goes on and on.
When 43% of US Children are growing up without fathers and we've become a nation that screams "We don't need a man!"-we've lost a foothold on our future. Fathers are important to children. Children need a loving, committed father in their lives. As we grow the biggest virtue we learn from our parents is responsibility and when walking away is the what you've learned-then it becomes so easy to loose our grounding in being responsible with your own actions.
But to all the fatherless out there, times do get easier and who you are is not defined by the actions of one man. Who you are is defined by your actions and you can do amazing things. The biggest responsibility we have is to ourselves, to never follow in those footsteps and to always face life. We can make it better one step in the right direction. To show you that being a fatherless individual does not have to define your actions, here is a list of Famous Fatherless People: Me, okay maybe not famous but I think I'm pretty awesome! Okay, seriously, President Barak Obama, President Bill Clinton, plus 10 other Presidents, Stephen King, BB King, Whoopie Goldberg, Coco Chanel, Nelson Mandela, Halle Berry, Mother Theresa, Michael Phelps, Leonardo DiVinci, Mark Twain, Tina Turner, Malcom X, Audrey Hepburn, and the list goes on and on.
Why do I tell you about all the famous people who were fatherless, because your destiny is not to become a criminal, addict, or everything that is in your favor- your destiny is to become amazing-no matter what that is. You can do it!
I can almost hear the creepy music as I walk into the grocery store and see every one's eyes stair and glaze over in a zombie like trance, as they hurry to get their items and leave as fast as possible. Then you see in the distance, the lady in the corner of store who then sneezes infecting everyone in the store! Everyone runs out in a hurried pace screaming...AAHHH we've been infected with the, the FLU!!!!!! End Credits.
Okay so I am being a bit over dramatic, but seriously we are all being a little extra vigilant these days with this flu virus that has seemingly overtaken the U.S., in what seems to be an overnight infection. You know, at least in China when these things occur they are smart enough to wear face masks to prevent infection...I don't think we've got the memo. But, we are rushing to get the flu vaccine, hopefully trying to wash our hands, and staying home if we are sick. We have seen the news stories of how people are being admitted to the hospitals in rapid high quantities. Although, there are so many news stories- there is still so much confusion as to what is the flu and what is not the flu. Also, what is this strain that has taken us by surprise.
I was taken by surprise myself, when I became infected with this flu virus and it seemed to progress very rapidly. Also, within a neighboring county, a local school has been closed with another virus that is also going around at a rapid pace called the Norovirus. As a parent, of course I ignored my symptoms until I couldn't anymore. I ended up with pneumonia as a result of the flu virus and felt plain awful. I couldn't even blog! I mean how bad is that, you can't even get out of bed to write on a computer in your PJs! I still had to get the kids to school in the mornings, but completely took the week off of house work and dinners. Daddy's in charge! Mom's officially out of commission. It's been about a week since I first showed symptoms of sore throat, ear pain and headache. But I am still battling the nausea and fever. The only good thing that comes from a flu virus is the weight loss! Okay so maybe that's a little bad, but hey there's got to be some type of gold at the end of all this suffering.
So, in an effort of keeping all the parents safe & virus free here are a few tips and facts about the difference between the Flu & Norovirus.
Flu Symptoms: According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention the flu is a respiratory illness that usually comes on suddenly and can cause mild to severe illnesses, including death. The symptoms include: Cough, Sore Throat, Runny or Stuffy Nose, Muscle or Body Aches, Headaches, Tiredness, and for some it may include fever, diarrhea and vomiting. Complications from the flu are pneumonia, bronchitis, sinus and ear infections. Basically the Flu is focused in the chest area vs a cold is focused in the head area. The norovirus is focused in the stomach area.
Norovirus Symptoms: The CDC also provides information about the Norovirus. It is also a virus that starts suddenly, but causes stomach cramping, throwing up and diarrhea.
Prevention: The one thing you need to remember is that everyone has to make money to pay the bills, so the likely hood that everyone who is sick will stay home is not a realistic expectation. That also includes our food service industry workers. So, if you don't want to get either one I would suggest making your own food for right now until the large number of cases subside. You also need to WASH YOUR HANDS! Really wash your hands with soap and water, just running water over your hands doesn't count. I always train my children to wash the germs down the drain. It won't stop you 100% from getting infected, but can reduce your chances. Disinfect and keep your work area clean. There are so many germ killing wipes that everyone can afford for a quick wipe throughout the day. You can also get the Flu Vaccine. The vaccine will take up to 10 days to fully prevent infection in your system and then will only give you 40% of not getting the virus, but the other 60% will generally have a shorter infection period and less chance of the complications that result from the flu. You can also get all the latest with Flu Apps with Flu Defender, Flu Near You, Fight the Flu and CDC Flu View. This is just a few that have sprung up, but I'm sure there are many more that I have missed. Each one has it's only little style, but most will tell you the current outbreaks in your area, where you can find a local vaccine clinic and extra tips and tricks to staying healthy.
If all your prevention fails and the evil flu comes your way, I suggest that as soon as you feel the severe sore throat, headache, ear pain, fatigue, get to the doctor. If started within the first 24-48 hours that you show symptoms, the doctor can give you a drug called Tamiflu. The course will normally last about 5 days, but if your someone like me and waits until you get full blown pneumonia you won't be able to use Tamiflu. You will most likely be treated with high dose antibiotics and cough syrup. Tamiflu will stop the flu virus in it's tracks and hopefully prevent any further complications. Oh, how I wish I would have went that route.
Overall it is inevitable that you or your child will get infected with the flu or norovirus, but rest assured no one will be turning into zombies...although if you wait long enough you might look and feel like one for a while. I wish mommies were invincible! But, hopefully you will be able to better define if the flu or norovirus has struck and what you can do to prevent and get treatment.
Until Next Time,
Your Mommy's Rule Blogger!
I laugh when people are either starting their family or having their first and say, "Oh, it won't change us at all." Umm, yes, yes it will. The real fact about it is, is that it should change us and grow us as people. One of the main things so many mothers talk about are the changes that occur with our bodies after having a baby. Yes, things just don't look quite the same again and some areas tend to hang lower now-if you know what I mean. But for me, one of the main surprises was how I suddenly turned into the Lioness in the jungle protecting her baby cub. It's amazing how suddenly you find a courage that you never had before and an inner strength that comes from being a mother. One of the amazing facts for me about being a Lioness is how it doesn't have to necessarily come from carrying a child. That same power, courage and strength comes from mothers from all walks of life. There are mothers who have this protection over their cubs even if their children are adopted, become a part of the family through marriage or just out of the special compassion from their hearts like Mother Teresa.
It's a special place in the heart of all mothers, no matter how they got there, to have the Lioness prowling inside. Although the lack of sleep or privacy may be a little irritating at times, for me it certainly is worth it to have discovered my inner Mother Lioness. I have these incredible little cubs that certainly do fight like a brother and sister and I have to bring out my Lioness Roarrrrr. But at night when we are all snuggled in bed reading our bedtime stories and I hear..."Mommy I love you" it makes my heart purr forever. I'm very happy and blessed to be a part of the group of fellow Lionesses in the world.
Although, I still enjoy my quite long hot bubble baths or snuggle time with the Lion of my heart-my husband. So, us Lionesses still have to take some time out to refresh ourselves too, but our cubs are so worth it all to find our Roar!
Mommy's Rule for Today: Although our children will try us and test us, don't forget how they changed us and helped us find our inner strength and courage! So go out and be a proud of your cubs! RRROOOAAARRR!
Until Next Time!
As a mother and wife it is so easy to get caught up in the every day that we loose sight of the fun in life. As parents, we are so busy and worried about keeping the house clean, making good impressions and keeping everything prim and proper that we forget to just let loose and live life with fun. Our kids will be able to remind us of that. We are ever able to remind them to, "Grow Up!", well maybe we need to "Grow Down!" and remember the basics of life. Yes, go play in the messy Sahara bedroom and comb the desert for lost stuffed puppies. Laugh about silliness and get messy in the dirt. We forget as adults the basics of life and the moments that count. So, for this new year my goal isn't to make a ton of Resolutions that I will never keep-because lets face it I will never look like Cindy Crawford, but Cindy Crawford will never look like me either. I also, would miss out on carbs, fun and dirty dishes. Well maybe I could do without dirty dishes, but what parent doesn't wish about that. But no matter what, I love being me and I resolve to focus on what is important in my life this year and every day! So what is your New Year's Resolution?
Mommy's Rule Today: Go have a little fun!
