Life at the dinner table is a little different for me with my children. When they ask the question, "Mom, who was your dad?". I always pause and in the air of uncertainty my husband changes the subject. I've come to tell my children the truth, that I didn't know my father. Thankfully, my children have no concept of what that abandoned feeling is like, but I never imagined having to explain it to my children.
My husband's family is very close and he grew up with his mom,dad and siblings. His grandmother has a family history and pictures all the way back to 1800s if not longer. We live very close to them and my husband has always had strong family roots. But when it comes to my story to give my children, it's very different. My family does not have a long family tree or great family stories, it just stops at my great grandfather. There is nothing beyond that point that I really know of my mother's side and I know little of my father's side. What I do know is that my family has Native American ancestry and I certainly carry those looks and roots proudly. It is the one thing I can give to my children.
As a parent, we never realize how much of our story or family history impacts our children-whether it's good, bad or void. My mother was a 16 year old teenager and my father was 17. My father walked away and I was raised with my mom and my grandparents. When I see the shows of "16 & Pregnant" that seem to bring fame to these young teens. I'm never thinking about the immature actions of the two individuals. I'm thinking about the child. The majority of those children grow up in a single parent household, not knowing their father. Which made me wonder, why you never hear the perspective of the actual child or adult they turn into or the parent they become?
How much of our parent's actions do we carry with our children? Well for me, my husband and I have been married for 11 years. Although, we married young I wasn't pregnant and we have stuck through all the growing pains that comes with any marriage. Looking at my children, I enjoy the fact that they have a father that is always there for them and I enjoy being a mother that will always be there as well. When I was 17, after a long gruelling journey of trying to discover the location of my father, I finally spoke to him. In that one approximately 30 minute conversation, I learned that he never had an interest in being a father to me and never reached out because he never wanted a child like that.
Well, that was that and many years later I had children of my own and the one lesson he taught me was-what not to do. Everyday I want my children to know how important they are and how much I love them. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but I often wonder about the adults who learned walking away from their parent(s) and do. I never knew what I was missing with a father until I watched my children with my husband, their father.
Fathers are important to children's self esteem and so much more, but we've become a nation of fatherless children. I think in so many ways we've become a nation of fatherless hurt adults and feel we have nothing to offer any children, other than walking away. It's a very sad picture, but when I look at the parents that don't walk away that's an even more amazing story. They stood there through the hard times, tears and trying times to be a parent to this child.
The statistics are not in the favor of the fatherless. The Fatherless Generation, is a blog that focuses on just that and gives the dizzying statistics that are not in favor of the fatherless. 63% of youth suicides come from fatherless homes. 90% of runaways come from fatherless homes. 71% of high school drop outs are from fatherless homes. The list goes on and on.
When 43% of US Children are growing up without fathers and we've become a nation that screams "We don't need a man!"-we've lost a foothold on our future. Fathers are important to children. Children need a loving, committed father in their lives. As we grow the biggest virtue we learn from our parents is responsibility and when walking away is the what you've learned-then it becomes so easy to loose our grounding in being responsible with your own actions.
But to all the fatherless out there, times do get easier and who you are is not defined by the actions of one man. Who you are is defined by your actions and you can do amazing things. The biggest responsibility we have is to ourselves, to never follow in those footsteps and to always face life. We can make it better one step in the right direction. To show you that being a fatherless individual does not have to define your actions, here is a list of Famous Fatherless People: Me, okay maybe not famous but I think I'm pretty awesome! Okay, seriously, President Barak Obama, President Bill Clinton, plus 10 other Presidents, Stephen King, BB King, Whoopie Goldberg, Coco Chanel, Nelson Mandela, Halle Berry, Mother Theresa, Michael Phelps, Leonardo DiVinci, Mark Twain, Tina Turner, Malcom X, Audrey Hepburn, and the list goes on and on.
Why do I tell you about all the famous people who were fatherless, because your destiny is not to become a criminal, addict, or everything that is in your favor- your destiny is to become amazing-no matter what that is. You can do it!
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